There’s something about feeling

These thoughts that I’ve been feeling 

That scares me into dealing with

How much dope I can get for my dollar

Rather than knowing the reason

Why in my sleep I hollar out

And loud into the night

Like a kid swept into a crowd

Lost

And it’s too hard to 

Let myself cry

When wanting to die

Has been the most peaceful sound

That my ears have found

The bittersweet blood 

That I taste on my tongue 

When I think of the shot

Lying in that gun

The bullet, that could become the one

Pulling the trigger with the twitch of a finger

I swirl it around and let it linger

Like the smokey cloud

Hanging around it’s 2pm 

What a time for it to end

65 degrees and sunny

No more worries about money

Food

Smokes

Gas

But, what if it lasts?

The hellish torment

That laughs in my face

Everytime I swallow

A swig of booze

To cure these blues,

What if I take it

With me to my grave

And I find myself 

Going out of my mind?

The pain inside

Will seek me out

When I try to hide

So how do I rid myself 

Of such a curse?

My lips begin to purse up

And pucker

Over the feeling that maybe I’m just one screwed up mother fucker.